the monotonous life of me:)

I don't really have much to say but I feel like I should blog again before they new year starts. Im all moved back home ready to be an adult:) haha I start my internship in a week and im looking for a job as well. It's nice being home cause I missed my family and I dont have to pay for anything but at the same time I really miss my friends. It's always hard to be gone from school for 4 months. I've also decided to take a class online through the community college (not only will it be easier but it gives me more credits for school and I wont have to take that class in the spring!) Im living in the basement so that means I get my own bathroom, living room, and bedroom (with a king size bed!!!) I do love being home. I thought my being tired would change when I got home and got more sleep but its in fact been the opposite. I feel even more exhausted and I haven't even been doing anything except running errands. I did get to go to the airport today. and for those of you who dont know how I feel about the airport, I was freaking excited!! My sister came home and doesn't know the airport so I got to go through security, on the train, and picked her up at the gate:) it was truly fun. haha although I feel a little cheated that I didn't get to go on an airplane:(

Christmas was very different this year because both my brothers were not here and so it was just me, mar, jen, mom, and dad. It was nice, but just a little lonely I guess. I miss my nephews! but hopefully I will get to see them in March when I will get to meet Lucas:) I am so excited that he is coming January 6!! and Annie is a crazy, wonderful little girl! She's gonna get a little brother in March and I hope Jordan is just as cute as she is:) this is a really boring blog post. Im sorry. Once I start my internship and find a job it may be a little more entertaining, although I doubt it cause those things are usually REALLY boring.

OH.. yeah... I went to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert and it was AMAZING!! seriously. The lights, effects, and musicians made it a wonderful concert. Little did I know..... TSO is a heavy medal group. HA. HA. yeah. I know. They have strings and keyboards but the guitars are a heavy medal sound. My adopted grandma is in her late 80's and she came with us. It was loud and crazy but so much fun!!

Kay Im pretty sure that is all I have to say about my monotonous life:) for now

what a year!

HOLY GUACAMOLE!! this semester is almost over and I have only written about 5 blogs.

I've decided to make this a blog over a year... so basically what has changed in a year. Starting last fall and ending with this fall. enjoy:)

Over the past year I have:

Fallen madly in love

had my heart broken twice

made friends that I will never forget

Worked a full time job for 3 months

cried more than I have in my entire life.

moved 5 times

was told by both of my sister-in-laws that they are pregnant

witnessed sickness

patched up my relationships greatly

became best friends with my mother

learned how to do accounting

learned how to dance (somewhat)

started exercising regularly

stopped exercising

kissed 3 different guys

went skydiving!

drove across states without any parents

got in a fight with two of my best friends (different times and different reasons)

watched my life fall apart

tried to keep everything together while inside I just wanted to scream

got a blessing that turned my life around

watched people I love go through painful things

got my first pedicure

waxed my leg.. causing my leg to burn (like a sunburn) and bruise (like someone smacked it)

went through a silly band obsession

went to the singles ward at home

fell outta love with dr pepper and into love with red cream soda

played on a tennis team

talked with the roommates about getting married more then I ever have in my entire life

dyed my hair black, then red, then back to brown, then put a pink strip in the back

felt feelings within myself that I never want to feel again

bought the ugliest couch on the planet with my roommates and I love it

reconnected with a guy I have had the biggest crush on for the past year (no progress)

took family pictures with my roommates

was a STARVING college student

THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!!

I wouldn't change anything (well maybe just one thing..) I am so grateful to everyone who has been apart of my life and has helped my grow stronger

daniellequist,erinyoung,michellehalgren,breannarushton,juliemeyers,marymeyers,jennimeyers,jenniedavenport,davedavenport,ericwalter,vikkizaltsberg,bishopclark, and anyone else who was there for me. LOVE YOU ALL!

explosion of the most ridiculous things

Why am I constantly a people pleaser? Im serious.

I am always so afraid of hurting peoples feelings when in reality it's me who gets hurt. I give and give and give because that's just who I am and I end up being stomped on. Its a little bit ridiculous. I hate giving up on people. Which is why I have trouble thinking about my needs even if the situation I am in is not the best. Some times I just need to tell someone off or let someone know that they are being the biggest jerk on the planet. Sometimes I just need to go out in the middle of the street and scream at the top of my lungs. Sometimes I need to cry myself to sleep. But I always need to surround myself with people that lift me up instead of bring me down. I have been having trouble with trusting men. But I kinda realized something while hanging out with my FHE brother... not all guys want to hurt me. Some guys are actually legitley good guys. Some guys actually want whats best for me. So even though Im still terrified of marriage Im a little less terrified of men. Only because I know there are actually good guys out there. Sorry this is a ridiculous mess. I just couldn't write this all down on my facebook status cause it wouldn't fit. HAHAHA but seriously, I have a lot going on in my head right now and honestly the only way to get it all out these days is to write about it. so until next time I decide to explode all over my blog... love you guys!

the life that is

howdy friends! I just realized something while I was sitting here on my couch: I have been extremely impatient these last few weeks. Normally I have pretty amazing patience, but recently I've been wanting to pull my hair out with everything. Accounting is driving me insane. Economics is harder then I want it to be. Business is so very time consuming. Social issues are ever so ridiculous. I have way to much going on no time and I hardly get any sleep. It's funny because I have been so darn tired these past few weeks but I haven't been going to bed till like 3am. The other day I slept through my alarm and Michelle was shaking me and yelling at me.. and I didn't wake up. It's the absolute weirdest thing. I always wake up for my alarm and people shaking me tends to wake me up rather quickly. Maybe I have a fatal disease or something. haha. That isn't really funny but I just don't know what else it could be. It's kinda a big deal when I don't wake up through people yelling and shaking me. But that is besides the point. I honestly have no idea why I am writing this blog post but I just really needed to write something so this is my random thoughts post.

I have been thinking a lot about marriage and men and (yes I know its ridiculous of me) I have come to one conclusion. I don't trust myself. Yes men have given me tons of reason to not trust them but I always still trusted them. I never stopped giving them my full trust, but I stopped trusting myself. Im deathly afraid of getting hurt and Im afraid that I am going to end up with the wrong person and that anyone I date of even look at is going to rip my heart out and break it beyond repair. I don't trust myself to pick the right person so I make up reasons not to trust people. It truly is a sad cycle.

I love my friends so much. I have come to find a real true friend in my roommate Breanna, and the friendships I had with Michelle, Erin, and Danielle are just wonderful! I am going to miss them all so dang much when I have to go back home. I don't know what I am going to do without all my friends. My friends are my life right now and it sucks to have to give up my life to go home and work:/ I will however not miss the annoyance of this apartment. I am having a really difficult time with this problem and it's gotten to the point where I just want to remove myself from any room that would put me in that situation. It's kinda sad and horrible. It's amazingly bitter sweet. I will miss my friends. But I will NOT miss that AT ALL!!

I went on a blind date tonight and it was a lot of fun. Im not interested in the guy but I still had fun. It made me realize that I do miss dating. I was trying to keep myself away from it but I should just be keeping myself away from exclusively dating. haha it amazes me how much the topic of dating comes up in my life. I swear it is always on my mind.

Sorry this blog is so blah and boring. I just needed to get some stuff outta my head. So I shall sign off now and go watch this movie with my michelle. or possibly fall asleep... either way its good.

BucKeT LiST

WHOA.

I haven't written in like a month. That is just uncalled for.

anyways, I couldn't possibly write everything down that has happened in the past month nor would any of you want to know what has been going on in my hectic life, so I will just post one thing:

My bucket list. Comprised of ridiculous things that I want to do before I die. Some of them are the stupidest things I could come up with and some of them are actually things I would like to do. anyways, enjoy!

Bucket List

1. Skydiving

2. Find someone worthy to take me to the temple

3. Have children

4. Open my own business

5. Go to Venice, Italy

6. Have a picnic on the beach with my husband when the sun is rising in Hawaii

7. Go skinny dipping

8. Go stripping in a corn field

9. Go to a musical on Broadway

10. Try out for American Idol

11. Go zip lining over the mountains

12. Dance in the middle of a parking lot in the pouring rain

13. Visit every state in the United States

14. Go to all the biggest things in the United States

15. Make out every single semester of college with a different guy (unless in the unlikely event I get married)

16. Write a novel

17. Go down in a submarine

18. Go deep seas fishing in Alaska

19. Care for my mom in her old age

20. Be there when my oldest daughter has her first baby.

21. Watch my little sisters get married

22. Sing the national anthem at a baseball game

23. Run a marathon

24. Swim the canal in Europe

25. 4 corners

26. Teach youth about uplifting messages

27. Ride a camel in Egypt

28. Learn to play the guitar

29. Write my own music

30. Learn how to cut hair

31. Meet Michael Buble/go to his concert

32. Meet David Archuleta

33. Get my MBA

34. Get a nice camera and take pictures all over the world

35. Walk on stilts

36. Visit the Alps

37. Grow old with the man I love

38. Go to the moon

39. Try every kind of cheese

40. Visit Portugal with Adam

41. Start my own band with my sisters

42. Text 100 words per minute

43. Inspire someone

44. Become like my savior

45. Read the whole entire Bible

46. Enter my rolls in a bread competition

47. Win the lottery

48. Dye a strip of the underside of my hair pink

49. Make a baby on the Ferris Wheel.

50. Carve mine and my husband’s name into a tree

51. Take naked baby pictures of my children

52. Tell someone I love them and mean it

53. Ask someone out on a date

54. Go on a blind date

55. Go to a third world country and help out

56. Roll around in heaps of cash

57. Invent something the whole world will use

58. Eat a whole gallon of ice cream in one sitting

59. Get laser eye surgery

60. Get back surgery to straighten my back

61. Look like a super model for a day

62. Whiten my teeth

Im sure I will keep adding to this list because there are just so many things I want to do before I die! everything in green are things I have already accomplished!

whoa.. what a rush.

today I went SKYDIVING!!!!

I will write more about it later. lets just say it was amazing!

This World is a Beautiful Place

hey friends and family. It has been quite a long time since I have blogged about anything I have been up to. I have been through a week of school and although I am not a big fan of school I am really loving what I am doing. My fun class this semester is Jazz dance and I got to buy a leotard! We just do really basic dance moves and it's just so much fun to be able to learn something new while getting credit for it!! I started the business program and it's A LOT of work. I knew this before I started school but I guess I never really comprehended it until classes started and I had to read the books and do the homework.

My business class is two days a week two hours a day. I thought I would be so annoyed to sit in a classroom for that long and that I would be pulling my hair out by the end of the day but really it's been the opposite. A two hour class feels like a 45 min class. We are doing a simulation of an actual business for the class and it's really cool to be able to do something that I have wanted to do before. I love being able to control productions and marketing and even R&D. Today we went on a field trip as a B 211 department so all three classes went and we got to go on a hike (which was really more of a nature walk) and then the business chairman talked to us about the program and all the things that BYU-Idaho has to offer us. I think I have decided instead of doing two clusters I will do a cluster in Early Childhood and a second emphasis in Economics. Which brings me to my next class.

For the business program I have to take Microeconomics and I am LOVING it. I took an econ class in high school and I really liked it and I just get this class. I love reading the text book and learning new things and then going to class and having the teacher teach me more about it. That class is three days a week and hour a day, and it seriously always feels like 15 min. I could have that class for two hours a day and still not get enough of it. BUT the problem is, is that I have two classes in a row on MWF and they are in the exact same room with a 15 min break between them. So I sit in the same seat for two classes and it can get rather boring.

The class I have after Econ is Accounting and GAAAHHHHHH I do not understand anything that goes on in that class. The book is confusing and the teacher doesn't really teach he just asks if people have questions and that is my problem, because I don't have specific questions I just don't get any of it. But I decided it would be a good idea to get a tutor. So I have a tutor appointment every friday afternoon. Hopefully I will be able to start getting accounting very very soon.

Sorry that was pretty boring but those classes are pretty much my life right now so I thought I would just share a little of what is going on with the education part of my life with you all.

The social part is AMAZING!

I have 5 roommates and they are just wonderful! Michelle, Erin, and Danielle were all my roommates last fall and so we are all pretty much best friends and then Breanna and Shay are our new freshman roommates. They are both so different but yet we are pretty good friends already. We went to an outdoor free concert saturday night and it was a blast. The Neighbors, Benton Paul, Fictionist, and Mindy Glendhill sang. It was absolutely wonderful. We were in the front and singing and dancing and just having a blast.

Sunday we got to go to our new ward and I think I am going to love it! It's really chill, and my bishop is pretty funny. then we went to stadium singing that night and I LOVE STADIUM SINGING. It's so spiritual and wonderful and fun. Monday night we had a ward social and they had panda express and then at around 10pm we went to G's Dairy and got an ice cream platter with 13 scoops. (the ice cream scoops were pretty huge) All six of it shared it and it was freaking ridiculous because we were on a sugar high so we were laughing and messing around and it was just great!

Tuesday night we tie-dyed our shirts and we had a blast because seriously anything we do together is fun. Breanna always has her camera whenever we do anything so we always get documentation of everything which I love! Our hands got all yucky and colorful and it was pretty funny.

Wednesday night we took our tie-dye out and washed it and they all turned out AMAZING. I love making stuff not knowing how it's going to turn out! It's a fun surprise. Then we sat in our living room just talking about the most random stuff. NO JOKE.. we were talking about ex-boyfriends, surgery's, tampons, death, sex, love, best friends, alcohol, drugs, high school, depression, disorders, happy stuff. I don't even know how we cycled through it all so fast but we did and it was kinda fun cause I am one of those really open people and so I love talking about life stuff. Come to find out my roommates love talking too. We had just a blast. Today we did the exact same thing except it was girl stuff and marriage stuff. haha we just sit on the couch talking about making out for probably 20 min. It's so great living with people that you get along with so well.

Anyways, I am loving this semester. I knew coming into this semester that it was going to be absolutely amazing and maybe that is one of the reasons it is going so well but I also haven't been letting boys get to me. I am not going to force anything anymore. I am going to sit back and enjoy my life whatever is happening. I feel so much better taking that technique. I also went to the temple wednesday and I just sat there thinking about life and this huge peaceful feeling came over me that I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing and now I just need to sit back and enjoy life.

I love the atmosphere up here at BYU-Idaho. It's so unique to anywhere else and I love being able to talk about church related things any class I go into. I love the people and how kind most everyone is to each other. I love the feeling of unity I get just stepping outside my apartment door knowing that THIS is the Lord's University and he loves all of us as long as we are righteous and follow the prophet's council. The church is true. God lives! He loves each of us so much and I can't even comprehend his love for us. every piece of this world is a testament to how much he loves us. The beautiful sunset, the tree's swaying in the slight breeze, the flowers blooming in the summer sun, the river that makes its way through the land towards something bigger and greater, the butterflies that fly so skillfully through the air, the grass in the morning with the dew on it as it glistens in the sun, and the song of a bird as it sings to all those that will listen. It's beautiful and I have been thinking a lot about all that God has done. He is always there for us. He knows exactly how we feel, and he knows exactly what we need. I just want to shout what I know from the top of the roof so that everyone around me hear me. I want everyone around me to know how I feel because it is one of the greatest feelings in the world! I LOVE MY HEAVENLY FATHER!

I miss you all very much! I love being up here but I do miss all of my friends and family back in Colorado! Don't forget about me:)

SEXY REXY RETURNS

WHOA. it has been for freaking ever since I have blogged. I guess I kinda just got tired of it. But it was a good thing to take a little bit of a break cause I was blogging like crazy for a while there. haha. anyways...

I MOVED INTO MY APARTMENT TODAY! It took me and michelle 2.5 hours just to move everything up the two flight of stairs (because our apartment in on the third floor) and then it took us another 8.5 hours to unpack everything. I am literally exhausted! My back is in pain and I really want to just go to sleep. BUT erin young is going to be here tonight and so I cannot go to sleep because I really want to see her and she kinda needs us to let her in because she cannot get her key now since it is so late. So me and michelle are just chillin and I just decided that I needed to blog. okay honestly.. Im not going to go on and on and on about everything cause I dont want to bore you all but..

My apartment is AWESOME. I will have to put pictures up soon! I have 5 roommates and 3 of them I roomed with in the fall so I know them REALLY well. The other two are freshmen and they seem really fun! I cannot wait for this fun but very stressful semester. sorry.. Im just not really in the mood to blog right now cause Im so tired. you will get more later.

MISS YOU ALL!!!!!

ksdjfkdsjgkdjfksjfksjhgjks (that's all I could come up with)

I haven't blogged in a while.. mostly because my life is extremely boring. haha all I do is work all day. I love my kids so much but it would get boring if I just wrote down all the funny/cute things those children did all day long.... but Wednesday was seriously one of the greatest days! Me and Natreece have decided that wednesday is the best day of the week. hahaha so we get super excited for it to come and then we get jamba and just make the day FANTASTIC. and it truly was a freaking awesome wednesday... I mean... best wednesday of my life. hahaha.

I have been so tired this week. Its a little ridiculous how tired I have been. But I have been getting up when my alarm goes off and Im not groggy or really wanting to go back to bed. It is the weirdest thing. Never happened to me before.

I've been running pretty much every night for the past 2+ weeks. 2 miles. well actually I run 1.5 miles and then walk 1.3 or something like that. I have felt so much better. I think I was coming down with a cold but since I have been exercising I haven't really gotten that sick. Its so nice. and I actually love to go running. I thought I would hate it cause I have always hated to run, but it feels SO good. I want to keep running when I go up to school cause I feel better when I exercise. The only sad thing is that I wear a tank top and booty shorts when I run here... and that is just not acceptable in Rexburg. So Im gonna have to figure something else out for my running wardrobe:)

Friday was a WONDERFUL day for several different reasons. 1. I found out Im gonna have another Nephew. I am soo very happy for Jennie and Dave, and Sam and Josh. Those there boys are going to be best friends. And they make very adorable boys.. so I can only image:) 2. I got paid! I have had $26 for 2 weeks. Needless to say I can not spend money if I want too! Which is a very nice thing to know. I need to exercise that self control up at school. 3. It was friday and fridays are awesome because no work for two whole days. and because I got off of work at 4pm. It was wonderful. 4. I got a new purse.. I've been needing a new one for quite a while.. and this one is just so dang cute:) 5. I got the cutest email ever! Im not going to go into details but it definitely made my day:) 6. I got to take annie to the park and she freaking loved it there! She was going down the slide and wanted to walk all over the playground equipment. It was so cute!

Today we had a neighborhood bbq and Jas, Britt, and Annie came. Well I had Annie and I took her to the playground. I was told I had a beautiful child by more then one person. HAHAHAHA the looks I was getting were priceless. Im pretty sure everyone there thought I was her mother. Trust me.. Im not. Still it's pretty funny to see the judgement people pass without really knowing. Then me, Mar, Jen, Britt, and Mom watched "The Last Song". It is one of my all time favorite movies. I probably cried at least 5 times, and it is just so moving. I've dealt with A LOT of death and so stuff like that really makes me feel. oh it's such an amazing movie. I love Nicholas Sparks. His stories are always so heartwarming.. well at least most of them have a hidden heart warming message in them.

Well.. I have less than 2 weeks until I go back up to Rexy. I am very excited but also super nervous! I have a lot of hard classes, and I'm getting two new roommates and Im gonna be in a new ward with new guys.. and other guy stuff.. and I just am not sure if I am ready to leave yet. I mean.. I miss it but I kinda also love it here. and I have a really good friend here. Natreece is seriously the greatest! Im gonna miss her so much! We always have something to talk about at work... anyways... well it's late and Im tired of course:)

JUST KIDDING.

apparently Im super hormonal right now. because my mood has been changing so dang freaking fast. anyways... I was re-reading the last post.. and wow. I was a tad upset. Im fine now. so dont you worry about me. hahaha I just needed to vent apparently. and my week turned out very nicely after all:) yay for awesome co-workers!!

suckish week continued

so here's my post to my sucky week....

I am sitting here bawling my eyes out. I seriously haven't cried in like 3 weeks. That is a new record for me. I just have felt pretty good and then all of a sudden BAM in my face. Its like God's way of telling me that I have had to much happiness and now my life has to be total hell. I don't understand it. and I suppose I am not supposed to understand it, but I don't want another stupid trial, or for someone to tell me that there must be something I need to learn from this. I have had plenty of learning in my short life and I dont need a jerk guy or a sickness or just total misery to learn another lesson.

It has been so stressful at work this week. I seriously have come home exhausted every single day! The kids have been really bratty and I have been getting sick because they are all sick and coughing all over me, and I have just not felt very well. Then I've been taken outta infants a couple times and seriously Natreece is my sanity. I just cannot handle it without here there.

One thing I do know is that I have the most amazing sisters and mother. They are my rock. I know they will always be there for me and I draw on them for strength. I also have the best friends. Even if they aren't here with me right now they're still there. Love you guys!

This week has officially SUCKED!

that is all....... for now.

where is this coming from?

Today I went to singles ward and me and Ashley sat in the back in relief society and talked. haha oh how I have missed those days. Its funny because I should be paying attention but of course all we talk about is boys and school and more boys.

breathing in the air

So my last blog post was a little bit harsh. Im sorry if I offended anyone. I didn't mean to be mean or step on feelings. I've just been so stressed lately. I went from finals, to pack, to cleaning, to moving, to ranch rodeo and pipe changing, to driving home, to work, to more work. I haven't had a serious break since I went with Danielle and her family to Island Park in April. I know me being stressed is a poor excuse for any type of behavior but thats just how it is. My mom said that I was super tense and that I had a bunch of knots in my shoulders.. so she decided to give them a little massage. MORE LIKE BEATING THEM WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER. haha I woke up and they were swollen. I mean I didn't know shoulders could get swollen.. but let me tell you they can. They do feel somewhat better though, so I suppose I should thank my mom for that.

Marriage... hmmm... scary as heck. My dear friend pointed out to me that it is not marriage I hate but it is in fact the dating scene that I hate. To this I will not disagree. It's hard to date because one: I always like the person more then they like me and two: only the creeps date me and then I am stuck with some stalker for the rest of my life:) I do have to say one thing though.. I am not excited for the fighting that comes along with marriage. I mean my dad says something about eating noodles for lunch and now we are having them for dinner. and he says it in an annoyed tone and my mom and him started fighting about freaking noodles. I mean for real people. If that is what my life is going to consist of I don't want it. I see how it drains my mom when my dad acts like that (which is a lot) and I know I can't handle that my whole life. I also understand that not every marriage is like that. But the fact that I've only seen dysfunctional marriages makes me very scared. I am afraid that I will be dealing with someone I can't stand for my whole life, and I don't want that. It scares me to death when I think about actually getting married. So yes my last post was a bit harsh but I do have some very legit concerns. And nothing anyone says is going to change my opinion about that. I know it's just gonna have to be one of those things that I find out for myself.... but until then that's all I know, and all I can know. anyways.. sorry if my last post bothered you. It wasn't intended for that.

I finished a whole week of work! I worked in the older infant room and for the past three days I was there at 7am. Not my favorite time to be at work but I got done at 4 so that was a definite plus! I seriously LOVE those kids. If I could take them home with me I would. Tyler's smile just melts all the annoyances of my day. Ethan's chunky cheeks makes me feel really happy. Aaria's hilarious grunting makes me laugh more than I normally do. Vaughn makes me smile because he has the highest scream I have ever heard. Daniel is my little boyfriend, he seriously follows me around everywhere. I have come to love these kids within the past 6 days, and I hope I can continue to work in that room at least off and on because I love them to death! Also Natreece is my absolute hero. She holds that whole entire room together all by herself. I was in her position for a couple days and I don't know how she does it day after day. She's one of my hero's! I love her tons!

I also have been getting on facebook a lot less sense I have been working which has been nice since facebook is for losers anyways. haha seriously no one even gets on anymore. Except for this one guy... who Im not really sure about.. hmmm.. Im definitely VERY confused about this one. He is super attractive, and he always makes me laugh, and he makes me feel really good, but I don't understand anything thats going on. Confusing. As men always are. Enough about that.

I miss my friends a lot! You guys are the ones that hold me up when I am down. Thanks for always being there for me. Erin: You are one of the strongest women I know. You always look for the good in every situation and you always know exactly what to say. You are one of my rocks, and I thank you for that. You are an amazing friend. Danielle: What would I do without you? You know everything about me and still love me. You are always there for me especially when I've had a bad day and just need to explode on someone. You are the best! I love you so much! Eric: I miss your stupid jokes and ridiculous sayings. I can count on you to always be there to listen. Thanks for being one of my best friends! and to everyone else that I didn't mention here: I miss you all and love you all. Thanks for being the greatest friends ever!

Marriage=total misery:)

So I am not ready to go back to school yet AT ALL but I am so freaking bored here! I wish I could bring all of my friends home with me! Then I would actually have people to do stuff with instead of sitting on my huge bed all day long.. good thing I get to work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, or else I might so insane. but serioulsy..... this is stupid.. I really want to be home and I can't find anything to do. This is freaking Centennial, Colorado. not Rexburg, Idaho.. there's SO much stuff to do here. OH WAIT.. I have absolutely NO money:) yay for being a poor college student. and when I do get money from working I get to put it all into a savings account:) YAY! I think it would be lovely to win the lottery or something.. I mean for real... I could win the lottery.. pay some fine man to marry me and my life would be pure bliss. WRONG. hahahaha

hahaha so I dont know why I think about this as much as I do, but Im a girl so I guess that gets to be my excuse... Marriage is like a constant thing in my mind. I swear.. Im at work watching kids and Im all.. hmmm.. I wonder when I get married what our kids are gonna be like?! oh and what will we name them? oh and my husband... SLOW DOWN JESSICA... you dont even have a stupid boyfriend yet. and yes. Stupid was/is the correct word. I mean.. we are supposed to commit to ONE guy for our WHOLE entire life?! That is a cruel joke. I can't even hold onto someone for more than a couple weeks without them hurting me to the point I would rather become a nun. I mean who are we really kidding? I watch movies where the couple hates each other and they are ready to get a divorce all because of something so stupid and I can't help but think that that is all marriage really is. FIGHTING ABOUT CRAP NO ONE CARES ABOUT. I mean sure.. you get to loose your virginity.. who really cares? NOT ME! and I tried on my moms engagement ring today.. wow thats soooo cute. ugh. a ring isn't just oh he loves me more than anyone. NO WAY. it's... this man is going to crush me and Im going to have to learn how to deal with it. I see crappy relationships and I dont want one.. but who am I kidding... Every guy I have ever dated or had a fling with (except possibly one) has been a total Ace hole. If I have that hard of a time while we are dating why in the he** would I want to go into something intentionally hurting myself? yeah no thank you people!!!

wow okay... sorry.. I couldn't say that to anyone.. but writing it out help. I don't know why marriage has been in my head so much.. but honestly.. Im scared to death of it. and of the guy that has the potential to break my heart more than anyone has or will. okay the end... hahaha sorry for all you lovers of marriage. Im sure by the time Im 87 I'll be ready for some type of marriage? haha no.. I shall start collecting the cats now.

design...design...design...

yeah sorry this is about the 10th time I have changed my blog design..

but I just get so stinkin bored or it after a while that I need to change it.

I think I like this one a lot better than the other one though. yeah and

I am not sure why I am going on and on about my blog background.

well anyways.. I will blog later because I have a lot to say.. but it is

1:22am and I have church bright and early in the morning.. or more..

(I have to get up to shower and get ready bright and early in the morning

because I haven't seen people in a long time and I want to look HOTT)

alright the end.. Im going to sleep now:)

Move Out Time/Ranch Fun

I seriously cannot believe that I am done with the semester. It seems like it just started and although I really disliked this semester I feel sad that it is over. I moved out about 2 hours ago and I really am not gonna miss that place but I will miss being able to leave for class 2 min before it starts and getting there on time. It was seriously in the best location. If only the ward was bomb shigady, then maybe we would have stayed and just moved into another apartment. But me danielle erin and michelle are all moving into birch! I am super duper excited about that! Its going to be a party all the time.. except not since we are all taking extremely hard classes:/

So last night we were having our grilled cheese party and we were packing too. Well we realized that we didn't have enough tape and walmart closed in 20 min and erin's car was on the other side of campus. So we RAN through campus to erins' car with 10 min to spare. and then we saw some boys and we were flirting with them and it was hilarious, and then we pulled into the walmart parking lot and saw them there again. and they got out around the same time we got out and it was a wee bit awkward. hahaha. and then after walmart we went to our car party spot except for that we were dancing and this guy starts singing along. I was so creeped out/embarrassed. hahaha so we left and drove a little crazily out of the spot we were at. Then we went to my apartment and I started my final which took me 2 hours but I Aced!

Me and Danielle were doing tests and packing and so we didn't end up getting in bed till around 3:00am. But I had so much on my mind that it took me a good hour and a half to fall asleep. and then me and Danielle had to get up at 6:30am for our 7 o'clock final:/ I Aced that one too! (100%) I got home at 7:30 and I started packing right away. I packed from 7:30 -2:00 and Then I cleaned from 2:20-3:00. Then Mary Jo and Kevin and Emma helped me move all of my stuff to my grandmothers house so I honestly didn't stop running until about 4:00pm. I was so wiped out and then I traveled up to the ranch around 5:45ish.

We got to the ranch around 8 and the cousins thought it would be fun to go ride on the dirt bikes.. well no. haha I was on the back with Alex, which was fun but I don't think she was experienced enough to have me on the back with her. We were going pretty fast to keep up with Alice and Treon and there was A LOT of dust in our faces that was making it hard to see, and all of a sudden we went to turn a corner and Alex lost control of the steering and the break wouldn't go and we crashed off the side of a mini cliff. yeah it was so freaking scary. It was even more scary because if we would have crashed a second earlier we would have gone off a bridge into the rocks in the river below.. I landed on top of Alex in the splits and man.. I pulled my leg muscle BIG time. I have never been that hurt in my life. I also have some bruises and a couple scratches, but other than that I am okay. I woke up saturday morning in the most pain ever. I had hardly slept at all that night because every time I moved my leg it shot a pain up it.. so I had a good cry on Saturday morning while my mom just held me. haha I feel like such a big baby since I cried over my hurt leg.. but it was soo sore!

Saturday was the rodeo. I could barely walk so I didn't get to do a lot of the outside games. but I just had fun watching. I will have to put up pictures before I forget. We made snow cones and they were really good! Then we went down where the horses were to start those events. hahaha I am pretty good on a horse but with my hurt leg I was a little nervous to get on one.. but I did. We did barrel racing and the egg walk and the bannana run and just a bunch of stuff on a horse. We also did a rescue race.. bascially you're on a horse and you have a partner that goes down to the other end and you have to race down there and get them on the back of your horse and race back before anyone else gets there. I did it with Jen and the first time I rode down and we had the hardest time getting her on. The second time she rode down and because of my leg I couldn't get on at all. haha we had a good laugh. After that was over Treon killed a chicken. haha he tied the leg up and then chopped its head off. I shouldn't think that is fascinating but I totally did. I can be such a boy sometimes.

Today we went to sacrament meeting which was fun I suppose and then we came back and had Hawaiian Haystacks. yum! I was freaking exhausted so I took a nice 3 hour nap:) Then I woke up and we went and played outside. Its so darn nice up here! I absolutely love it here! I wish I could just stay here and take in the beauty of this place forever! we are going to watch New Moon soon and then apparently we are going to see Eclipse tomorrow cause it came out in Salmon:) I love my cousins. oh and maybe we will also go bridge jumping tomorrow. I haven't gone bridge jumping in way too long!! well I suppose that is all for now...

I just want all of my friends to know that I miss them like crazy and its only been a couple of days! but I am very excited to go home and to go back to work! Love you all!!

You're a Fox

alright.. so I have 7 tests left.. 3 tomorrow.. yeah I know it's pretty ridiculous huh?! Its time to crack down and study, but I felt like I needed to blog, so here I am sitting in my living room waiting for Pretty Little Liars (yes I love that show! Its thrilling and interesting and just funny to make fun of because these girls are so caddy. Its hilarious.. cause its so true. and there's like the popular guy and the nerdy guy. gotta love it) to start. Also me and Danielle are bashing each other on facebook, and it's hilarious because we love each other but it seems like we hate each other:)

Also.. this guy started talking to me through a facebook message, and needless to say he is very flattering:) I haven't felt that flustered since Brek.. which has been a very long time. I know nothing will ever happen with this guy because he goes to Boise state but just knowing that I can feel like that again makes me very happy. It's always nice to know that someone somewhere finds me attractive. Which yes is sorta shallow but sadly enough looks are important to me. Also.. its funny because Im doing a mass media project on body image and I probably have the worst body image of myself EVER. goodness gracious. Its a good thing I am doing this project.. maybe it will teach me a lesson. hahaha anyways.. so I feel pretty good about myself

I also have to pack and finish finals.. and do white glove. I have no idea how I am going to get done with everything I need to do... ahhhhh.. BUT I have a job and I start July 30th. woo hoo. Im excited that Primrose hired me back. It's awesome. Well new posts will be coming later. LOVE

PULLING MY HAIR OUT!

Dear everyone out there in the world...

Finals week in college SUCKS! I don't just say this because everyone else is telling me this but because I know. ahhh... I will have taken 9 tests from yesterday to next friday. That is a weeks time. This is clearly not acceptable. Don't teachers realize that I don't have enough time to take 9 tests during a weeks time.. especially since I am having to study for each individual test and I have 3 papers due on monday. WHOA I never thought I would be so over scheduled in my entire life! I seriously have my whole entire life planned out down to the second.

This morning I went to the temple which was much needed:) But it took us around 2ish hours to get in and out, which is fine cause I love being in the temple but I fell asleep around 4amish and then we had to get up at 730am. I am exhausted. I have been doing that ALL week. So I have scheduled a nap into my day:) I know what you are thinking... but research has found that taking a nap during the day makes a person smarter... and I could really use the smartness for this week! I would post my schedule on here but it would take too long to put everything up. I am just so stressed and not wanting to do anything right now:/

My mommy is going to be here on Sunday and I am super excited! That means my sisters will be here and they are going to stay the night.. and thats awesome EXCEPT that I have the lovely task of registering Monday morning at 1200am. WOOOO HOOOOO goodness... why the university would make us schedule right in the middle of finals is beyond me:( Anyways.. I have FHE at Bro Kerr's house in Idaho Falls, so that will be nice cause free dinner!!!! Then I somehow have to fit packing and WHITE GLOVE into my week of a bajillion tests.. yeah I am so freaking psyched!

I also am so ready to get out of this apartment.. me and my roommates are not getting along. I wont go into anything.. but yeah. I get to move to Birch in the fall with my Besties and I am so so so excited!!! Also I stayed off fb for like 5 days and now when I go on its just for a little and I've decided not to be on chat for a while.. I've been doing amazingly well with the whole Brek thing! Because I haven't seen anything about him on fb.. and he is too cool to talk to me anymore. So great! oh AND I have a job when I get home!!! I am excited! I needed a job and I was worried I wasn't going to find one.. But I have one:) and I get my OWN room! yaya! no more sharing for like 5 weeks! PaRtY! Kay well I really didn't schedule blogging into my schedule so this is eating up my nap time.. grrrr.... HAPPY THOUGHTS:) :) :) :) :)

New Hair...? I think yes:)

So this week has been ridiculously crazy! I took a test on wednesday and I got around an 85% which for that class is pretty amazing, and then I took at test on thursday and I have no idea what I got but I hope I got a 10/10 because this would be the absolute first one. thursday night me and Danielle went to the hair place to get her some bangs... and as I was waiting for her to be done I picked up a hair magazine and started flipping through it and I found a hair style that I have wanted for a super long time.... so when she was done I sat there just deliberating and looking at the picture in the magazine.. and Netti came and asked if we needed anything else, and I said I was thinking about cutting my hair and I showed her the picture and she said it would look really good with my face and stuff.. so randomly I got my hair cut. It was nice cause she shampooed it and I've never had that done before, it was lovely! and then she cut it and showed me stuff I should put in my hair to make it not so damaged.. and then she styled it and showed me how to do it, and I absolutely love it! I am very happy with the job she did! I now have a hair person here:)

yeah we are too cute. hahaha.... Last night was absolutely boring.. we had nothing to do and it was a friday night. Although we did walk down to walmart to get stuff for my hair which is like super soft right now! very nice. oh and we had our tournament friday and today. Me and Danielle played friday at 5pm and it was like super close. We had to go into a tie breaker, and we lost that 5-7. But there was cotton everywhere, it was like snowing cotton, and it was getting in my nose and eyes and my throat and eyes were starting to get swollen. It was weird cause that's never happened to me before and I was not playing very well:/ Since we lost we didn't get to play again but we went this morning to cheer on Kody who play 3 games in a row and she got 3rd place in the tournament of single players. I AM SO PROUD OF HER:)

Then me, Danielle, Kody, and Hannah went to twizzle berry and got some celebratory yogurt and it was funny because Kody and me both got one gummy worm and one cherry on our yogurt and then when we sat down we both sighed. HAHA I don't know why but it was soo funny! Then it started pouring rain so we had to walk home in the rain and I took my shirt off (yes I had two shirt on) and put one on my head because it took me about an hour to do my hair today and I didn't want it to get ruined. haha.. Im a nerd.

oh and last night I made Danielle watch New Moon because she had never seen it and after it was over I look over and ask if she wants to go see Eclipse with me and she's all YEAH. hahahaha so now I am going to go see it tonight with her and Erin:) It's crazy I still haven't seen it yet.

Sorry this blog is so sporatic but I just keep remembering stuff and I dont feel like going back up and putting it in where it should be. haha but I did homework for the first time on a friday ever. it was awesome. haha I have so much to do and so I figured I should start my homework early.. I have a ton of extra credit stuff to do for my Mass Media class, so this week is going to be super duper hard! and finals are SO SOON. ahhhhhhhhhhh.. Im not ready!

Miracles:

my hair looks hot, and I look a ton older:)

I got some alone time this week

The temple is beautiful and I get to look at it everyday

it just poured and it smells like rain now!

Kody got 3rd place in the tennis tournament

I started to read a really good book;)

I'M ALIVE!

You're a Grand Old Flag, You're a High Flying Flag....

Oh my goodness.. I haven't written anything in quite a long time. This weekend was just so absolutely busy and I was hardly ever on my computer!

Vikki came Thursday night and we went to Craigo's and then walked to my grandmas house to get the air mattress. Walking that back was ridiculous! haha 2 miles carrying an air mattress is not the funnest thing ever... and then we watched "When in Rome" which is such a freaking cute chick flick! I know I shouldn't watch them because they make me a little sad, but they are just SO cute!

Friday we played tennis and it was so funny because she hasn't played in a while so we didn't really get to play a lot, and then we went to see "A-Team" with Eric, and Logan. It was actually really really good. I didn't think I would like it but it was funny and it had a ton of action in it. Then we went to subway where I was the only one who ate anything... after that we (me, vikki, eric, logan, josh, and danielle) went to the park to play soccer but it was already dark so we just layed on the basketball court and then went and played on the play ground and then ended up talking about randomness for a long time.

Saturday was awesome because my grandma let me borrow her car so we went shopping at walmart and then we went down to IF. We were all super hungry so we went to Red Robbin and ate and then we drove on over to where they were gonna have the fireworks. We got there around 6ish so we had a couple hours to kill. We played a game of Phase 10 and then we played

"your team". Yes I know that game is kinda horrible but it was absolutely entertaining. Fireworks were lovely except for the fact that there was a tree in our way... After the works we decided it would be dumb to sit in traffic for about an hour or more and we were hungry so we went to Denny's and it was abosolutely packed in there. We were all super tired and we were laughing histarically and just being ridiculous. After we ate we walked like a mile to where we left the car and apparently I was being funny (which I don't think so but whatever. haha) so they like recorded me and then we left IF around 1:15ish. The roads were super duper clear:) Then we had to drop the car off at Grandmas house and walk the 2 miles home at 2:30 in the morning. We were walking in the middle of the road because it was scary and we didn't want to get raped or anything.

Sunday we went to church (minus Vikki) and it was weird cause they combined 3 wards together, since so many people were gone. I wore my really cute shoes and it was just grand. Then we had a bbq. It was pretty fun except that some people don't know how to behave in a social setting.. but we wont go into detail. We had hamburgers and hot dogs and I made jello which was yummy cause it was blue and then red and then whipped cream on top. and we had brownies. Just talking about it now is making me super hungry.

I ended up staying up till like 4am talking with Vikki and then I got up at 6am to walk her to the shuttle. Then I came home after saying goodbye and went back to sleep around 7 and got up at 11. I should have been doing my homework yesterday but I just didn't want to so I watched Hulu and just stayed in bed until Erin came over and then we went to Wendy's and Walmart where I got these amazing sports bras and then we came home and watched the Bachelorette, which was so good! I cannot believe there are only 4 guys left. Its crazy! and then I finally started my homework at like 10. It was crazy.. I was up till 4am again. I just love college with a friggin passion!

Today has been an interesting day. My head has been hurting all day and I am kinda going through withdrawals again. I hate it because I don't want to be feeling the way I am. There are tons of people around me going through much harder things and here I am thinking life is kinda hard. But oh well. There is about 2 weeks of school left. If I keep my grades up it will be awesome. and if I have a job when I got home it will be even more awesome. I need a break from this lovely amazing place! I didn't think I would ever need a break from Rexy but I need to get away from things to help me move on.. and getting outta here will for sure help!

I feel like I haven't done my small miracles so here it goes:

Erin got the cutest shoes the other day, and they just make me smile.

Vikki got to come visit me for a couple of days, and I have really missed her.

The sun was shining

I got to borrow my grandmas car for the day

I have the most comfortable sports bra to sleep in I have ever had in my life

I have the greatest friends in the entire world.

I looked up what ward I am going to be in and my church is at 9am. I am ecstatic!!!

I have slowly but surly begun to realize that boys don't need to be a part of my life;)

love you and miss you all.

My Awakening!

So Ashley helped me realize that I need to look at the good and happy things that happen during my day to help me get through this rough patch Im going through. So Im going to start making my blogs happy, and they are going to be about things in my days that were good! No more focusing on the bad!

In American Foundations my professor was making fun of me and my hair.. not in a mean way but he kept picking on me. It was actually quite hilarious. and then Ashley said something really fun. our teacher was talking about how at the federal reserve they have to close the first door before they open the second door and how it was basically a man trap. and she's all like.. where can I get one of those.. hahaha made my day!

Me and Ashley went to the park today and we just talked about stuff and I have needed someone to talk to for a couple of weeks! She was exactly what I needed. She's been through somewhat the stuff I am going through and she just knows exactly what to say! It was just so good to talk to her.. and to listen to whats going on with her and give her advice and stuff!!

I got a nice burn. Yeah its going to hurt A LOT in the morning.. but I have to get the burn before I can get the tan:) which is kinda like men. I have to go through pain to get something better, something I want!

AND... WE HAD A THUNDERSTORM! it was like pouring more than I have seen in a very long time! We all went out and played in it and just pranced and slid and it was so much fun! It made me feel like a kid again!

Ashley said I should find a quote or a song or something and put it on my wall or something so I can see it everyday. I picked this song....

It Is - David Osmond

If I think it's all a battle it is.

If I think the day is perfect it is.

I could make it a disaster

or find everything I'm after

any way I choose to see it, it is

I really feel good about all this positive thinking and looking for the "little miracles" in my day as Ashley said! Life is going to start looking up!

My Venting Sesh

So I know I just blogged and Im sure I will blog a lot more before this week is over... but I am bored and I need to get my feelings out. I seriously hate feelings. If I could make myself a robot without emotions I think I would do it! Just when I think I am getting over him I see a couple or hear about someone getting engaged or Danielle talks to Josh, and it hits me just as hard as that moment. "we should just be friends" I swear those are the worst words a guy could EVER say to a girl. Do they not understand that it is a million times harder to be friends than just forget about them? Because then we talk to them but its just as friends, and if you do end up talking its for like a second.... and there is no flirting involved.. and I am just having the hardest time right now. I like Josh and I am glad he could come visit Dan Dan the Man.. but I do not know how I am going to be able to handle this for a whole week plus 2 days. There are other guys here. I know that.. I could have other guys... but I cannot seem to bring myself to want them too:/ I am scared that no one will ever be able to compete with him. GRRRR boys suck! and I hate the feeling I get (that I have right now) where I know any second I am going to break down and sob uncontrollably for a long time... don't appreciate that feeling AT ALL:(

Then I was supposed to go to a lacrosse game tonight with my friends.. both of which happen to be boys. and of course there stupid park soccer thing was more important than going with me. So I was stood up by my own friends. I don't get it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? why do guys always do this to me? hahaha I want to become a Mormon Nun. is that allowed? cool well even if it's not Im still doing it.

Kay sorry.... that was me venting.. thanks for reading or even skipping past my venting sesh. I just needed to get it out before I cried. hahaha

I cannot think of a good title.. so this is it!

So my last blog post was a bit harsh. Im not saying I regret posting it, Im just saying maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh. Not all men are like I was describing, although I haven't met a decent man yet, so I can't really be certain they aren't all like that.

Me and Brek settled everything. I mean yeah I still miss him in the way I want him, but I guess being friends will just have to do. Although he is getting on my nerves because he asks for my help and then decides he doesn't need it anymore. I have a feeling we aren't ever going to have an actual friendship just because he goes back on everything he says. ANYWAYS...

I really don't have much to say but I didn't want that man hating blog post to be the first thing people see when they look at my blog so Im writing a whole bunch on nonsense into here. It has been ridiculously HOT here in Rexy the past couple of days. I LOVE SUMMER just not when I cannot wear shorts. I have to wear pants to class everyday because it is against the honor code to wear shorts and it gets a little annoying when it is so dang hot outside.. but whatever... I am a big girl so I just deal with it. Good thing the buildings are air-conditioned.

We have our last tennis match this saturday and it is so sad, because I feel like the season just started. I think we need to have longer semesters. None of this 13 week business. It is just way too short. Im finally getting along really well with my roommates and its starting to get nice outside and then BAM the semester is over:( but we designed shirts last night and got them sent to the design place so we are going to have tennis shirts! I am soo exicited because I LOVE having shirts that have the BYU-Idaho name to it! and now everyone will know that I played tennis!

Yesterday I got a letter from Adam. I don't think I have been this excited to get mail in a very long time!!! It's funny because since I sent him out his first letter the day before he went into the MTC he had mail there for him like thursday or something which is hilarious because his comp told all the other elders that I am Adam's girlfriend and I wrote the letter in pink pen so it's really funny. But I told Adam to give the other elder's my address and I will write them, since I LOVE writing missionaries. I didn't think I would love it so much but I am really really loving it! Also it keeps me unbored in class:)

I am supposed to be in class right now but it got cancelled because people were in the room we were supposed to be using. I love college! It's nice classes can get cancelled when the teacher wants. I supposed I should start some homework now or something, although I am going to have ALL day tomorrow to do it since Josh is coming into town tomorrow and Danielle is going down to Utah to meet him for the day. I love Josh and all but this next week is going to suck because they are going to be around all the freaking time. GOOD THING I HAVE THE WONDERFUL ERIN YOUNG TO KEEP ME COMPANY!!!:) yaaaaay:)