ksdjfkdsjgkdjfksjfksjhgjks (that's all I could come up with)

I haven't blogged in a while.. mostly because my life is extremely boring. haha all I do is work all day. I love my kids so much but it would get boring if I just wrote down all the funny/cute things those children did all day long.... but Wednesday was seriously one of the greatest days! Me and Natreece have decided that wednesday is the best day of the week. hahaha so we get super excited for it to come and then we get jamba and just make the day FANTASTIC. and it truly was a freaking awesome wednesday... I mean... best wednesday of my life. hahaha.

I have been so tired this week. Its a little ridiculous how tired I have been. But I have been getting up when my alarm goes off and Im not groggy or really wanting to go back to bed. It is the weirdest thing. Never happened to me before.

I've been running pretty much every night for the past 2+ weeks. 2 miles. well actually I run 1.5 miles and then walk 1.3 or something like that. I have felt so much better. I think I was coming down with a cold but since I have been exercising I haven't really gotten that sick. Its so nice. and I actually love to go running. I thought I would hate it cause I have always hated to run, but it feels SO good. I want to keep running when I go up to school cause I feel better when I exercise. The only sad thing is that I wear a tank top and booty shorts when I run here... and that is just not acceptable in Rexburg. So Im gonna have to figure something else out for my running wardrobe:)

Friday was a WONDERFUL day for several different reasons. 1. I found out Im gonna have another Nephew. I am soo very happy for Jennie and Dave, and Sam and Josh. Those there boys are going to be best friends. And they make very adorable boys.. so I can only image:) 2. I got paid! I have had $26 for 2 weeks. Needless to say I can not spend money if I want too! Which is a very nice thing to know. I need to exercise that self control up at school. 3. It was friday and fridays are awesome because no work for two whole days. and because I got off of work at 4pm. It was wonderful. 4. I got a new purse.. I've been needing a new one for quite a while.. and this one is just so dang cute:) 5. I got the cutest email ever! Im not going to go into details but it definitely made my day:) 6. I got to take annie to the park and she freaking loved it there! She was going down the slide and wanted to walk all over the playground equipment. It was so cute!

Today we had a neighborhood bbq and Jas, Britt, and Annie came. Well I had Annie and I took her to the playground. I was told I had a beautiful child by more then one person. HAHAHAHA the looks I was getting were priceless. Im pretty sure everyone there thought I was her mother. Trust me.. Im not. Still it's pretty funny to see the judgement people pass without really knowing. Then me, Mar, Jen, Britt, and Mom watched "The Last Song". It is one of my all time favorite movies. I probably cried at least 5 times, and it is just so moving. I've dealt with A LOT of death and so stuff like that really makes me feel. oh it's such an amazing movie. I love Nicholas Sparks. His stories are always so heartwarming.. well at least most of them have a hidden heart warming message in them.

Well.. I have less than 2 weeks until I go back up to Rexy. I am very excited but also super nervous! I have a lot of hard classes, and I'm getting two new roommates and Im gonna be in a new ward with new guys.. and other guy stuff.. and I just am not sure if I am ready to leave yet. I mean.. I miss it but I kinda also love it here. and I have a really good friend here. Natreece is seriously the greatest! Im gonna miss her so much! We always have something to talk about at work... anyways... well it's late and Im tired of course:)

JUST KIDDING.

apparently Im super hormonal right now. because my mood has been changing so dang freaking fast. anyways... I was re-reading the last post.. and wow. I was a tad upset. Im fine now. so dont you worry about me. hahaha I just needed to vent apparently. and my week turned out very nicely after all:) yay for awesome co-workers!!

suckish week continued

so here's my post to my sucky week....

I am sitting here bawling my eyes out. I seriously haven't cried in like 3 weeks. That is a new record for me. I just have felt pretty good and then all of a sudden BAM in my face. Its like God's way of telling me that I have had to much happiness and now my life has to be total hell. I don't understand it. and I suppose I am not supposed to understand it, but I don't want another stupid trial, or for someone to tell me that there must be something I need to learn from this. I have had plenty of learning in my short life and I dont need a jerk guy or a sickness or just total misery to learn another lesson.

It has been so stressful at work this week. I seriously have come home exhausted every single day! The kids have been really bratty and I have been getting sick because they are all sick and coughing all over me, and I have just not felt very well. Then I've been taken outta infants a couple times and seriously Natreece is my sanity. I just cannot handle it without here there.

One thing I do know is that I have the most amazing sisters and mother. They are my rock. I know they will always be there for me and I draw on them for strength. I also have the best friends. Even if they aren't here with me right now they're still there. Love you guys!

This week has officially SUCKED!

that is all....... for now.

where is this coming from?

Today I went to singles ward and me and Ashley sat in the back in relief society and talked. haha oh how I have missed those days. Its funny because I should be paying attention but of course all we talk about is boys and school and more boys.

breathing in the air

So my last blog post was a little bit harsh. Im sorry if I offended anyone. I didn't mean to be mean or step on feelings. I've just been so stressed lately. I went from finals, to pack, to cleaning, to moving, to ranch rodeo and pipe changing, to driving home, to work, to more work. I haven't had a serious break since I went with Danielle and her family to Island Park in April. I know me being stressed is a poor excuse for any type of behavior but thats just how it is. My mom said that I was super tense and that I had a bunch of knots in my shoulders.. so she decided to give them a little massage. MORE LIKE BEATING THEM WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER. haha I woke up and they were swollen. I mean I didn't know shoulders could get swollen.. but let me tell you they can. They do feel somewhat better though, so I suppose I should thank my mom for that.

Marriage... hmmm... scary as heck. My dear friend pointed out to me that it is not marriage I hate but it is in fact the dating scene that I hate. To this I will not disagree. It's hard to date because one: I always like the person more then they like me and two: only the creeps date me and then I am stuck with some stalker for the rest of my life:) I do have to say one thing though.. I am not excited for the fighting that comes along with marriage. I mean my dad says something about eating noodles for lunch and now we are having them for dinner. and he says it in an annoyed tone and my mom and him started fighting about freaking noodles. I mean for real people. If that is what my life is going to consist of I don't want it. I see how it drains my mom when my dad acts like that (which is a lot) and I know I can't handle that my whole life. I also understand that not every marriage is like that. But the fact that I've only seen dysfunctional marriages makes me very scared. I am afraid that I will be dealing with someone I can't stand for my whole life, and I don't want that. It scares me to death when I think about actually getting married. So yes my last post was a bit harsh but I do have some very legit concerns. And nothing anyone says is going to change my opinion about that. I know it's just gonna have to be one of those things that I find out for myself.... but until then that's all I know, and all I can know. anyways.. sorry if my last post bothered you. It wasn't intended for that.

I finished a whole week of work! I worked in the older infant room and for the past three days I was there at 7am. Not my favorite time to be at work but I got done at 4 so that was a definite plus! I seriously LOVE those kids. If I could take them home with me I would. Tyler's smile just melts all the annoyances of my day. Ethan's chunky cheeks makes me feel really happy. Aaria's hilarious grunting makes me laugh more than I normally do. Vaughn makes me smile because he has the highest scream I have ever heard. Daniel is my little boyfriend, he seriously follows me around everywhere. I have come to love these kids within the past 6 days, and I hope I can continue to work in that room at least off and on because I love them to death! Also Natreece is my absolute hero. She holds that whole entire room together all by herself. I was in her position for a couple days and I don't know how she does it day after day. She's one of my hero's! I love her tons!

I also have been getting on facebook a lot less sense I have been working which has been nice since facebook is for losers anyways. haha seriously no one even gets on anymore. Except for this one guy... who Im not really sure about.. hmmm.. Im definitely VERY confused about this one. He is super attractive, and he always makes me laugh, and he makes me feel really good, but I don't understand anything thats going on. Confusing. As men always are. Enough about that.

I miss my friends a lot! You guys are the ones that hold me up when I am down. Thanks for always being there for me. Erin: You are one of the strongest women I know. You always look for the good in every situation and you always know exactly what to say. You are one of my rocks, and I thank you for that. You are an amazing friend. Danielle: What would I do without you? You know everything about me and still love me. You are always there for me especially when I've had a bad day and just need to explode on someone. You are the best! I love you so much! Eric: I miss your stupid jokes and ridiculous sayings. I can count on you to always be there to listen. Thanks for being one of my best friends! and to everyone else that I didn't mention here: I miss you all and love you all. Thanks for being the greatest friends ever!

Marriage=total misery:)

So I am not ready to go back to school yet AT ALL but I am so freaking bored here! I wish I could bring all of my friends home with me! Then I would actually have people to do stuff with instead of sitting on my huge bed all day long.. good thing I get to work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, or else I might so insane. but serioulsy..... this is stupid.. I really want to be home and I can't find anything to do. This is freaking Centennial, Colorado. not Rexburg, Idaho.. there's SO much stuff to do here. OH WAIT.. I have absolutely NO money:) yay for being a poor college student. and when I do get money from working I get to put it all into a savings account:) YAY! I think it would be lovely to win the lottery or something.. I mean for real... I could win the lottery.. pay some fine man to marry me and my life would be pure bliss. WRONG. hahahaha

hahaha so I dont know why I think about this as much as I do, but Im a girl so I guess that gets to be my excuse... Marriage is like a constant thing in my mind. I swear.. Im at work watching kids and Im all.. hmmm.. I wonder when I get married what our kids are gonna be like?! oh and what will we name them? oh and my husband... SLOW DOWN JESSICA... you dont even have a stupid boyfriend yet. and yes. Stupid was/is the correct word. I mean.. we are supposed to commit to ONE guy for our WHOLE entire life?! That is a cruel joke. I can't even hold onto someone for more than a couple weeks without them hurting me to the point I would rather become a nun. I mean who are we really kidding? I watch movies where the couple hates each other and they are ready to get a divorce all because of something so stupid and I can't help but think that that is all marriage really is. FIGHTING ABOUT CRAP NO ONE CARES ABOUT. I mean sure.. you get to loose your virginity.. who really cares? NOT ME! and I tried on my moms engagement ring today.. wow thats soooo cute. ugh. a ring isn't just oh he loves me more than anyone. NO WAY. it's... this man is going to crush me and Im going to have to learn how to deal with it. I see crappy relationships and I dont want one.. but who am I kidding... Every guy I have ever dated or had a fling with (except possibly one) has been a total Ace hole. If I have that hard of a time while we are dating why in the he** would I want to go into something intentionally hurting myself? yeah no thank you people!!!

wow okay... sorry.. I couldn't say that to anyone.. but writing it out help. I don't know why marriage has been in my head so much.. but honestly.. Im scared to death of it. and of the guy that has the potential to break my heart more than anyone has or will. okay the end... hahaha sorry for all you lovers of marriage. Im sure by the time Im 87 I'll be ready for some type of marriage? haha no.. I shall start collecting the cats now.

design...design...design...

yeah sorry this is about the 10th time I have changed my blog design..

but I just get so stinkin bored or it after a while that I need to change it.

I think I like this one a lot better than the other one though. yeah and

I am not sure why I am going on and on about my blog background.

well anyways.. I will blog later because I have a lot to say.. but it is

1:22am and I have church bright and early in the morning.. or more..

(I have to get up to shower and get ready bright and early in the morning

because I haven't seen people in a long time and I want to look HOTT)

alright the end.. Im going to sleep now:)