Everybody's lookin for love, ain't that the reason you're at this club

so again.. I am going to complain:) I FREAKING MISS FACEBOOK SOOO MUCH! I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD MISS IT AS MUCH AS I DO, BUT IT WAS LIKE PART OF MY LIFE. AND IT ISN'T SO MUCH FACEBOOK AS IT IS THE PEOPLE THAT ARE ON FACEBOOK. I FEEL LIKE THE ONLY PEOPLE I TALK TO NOW ARE DANIELLE AND VIKKI. WHICH IS FINE BUT NOT REALLY BECAUSE I MISS EVERYONE ELSE. I HAVE DECIDED I WILL ACTIVATE MY FACEBOOK EITHER WEDNESDAY MARCH, 31. OR SUNDAY APRIL, 4. IM NOT QUITE SURE. BECAUSE WEDNESDAY WOULD BE A WEEK AND A HALF. AND SUNDAY WOULD BE TWO WEEKS. I JUST DONT KNOW. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA. HAHA MAYBE BY THE END I WILL HAVE BEEN CURED OF MY FACEBOOK LOVE. (ALTHOUGH I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT)

Anyways, yesterday (tuesday) I got to go to the aquarium on a field trip with the 4/5 years olds. It was so much fun because there was 3 teachers and one parent and so we each got a group of kids. My group was soo much fun! I had four kids. Seth, Sophia, Sophia, and Tjaden. We had a worksheet of things we had to find and then we just got to walk around. It was fun because these kids are at the stage where they are so excited by things like fish and sharks and turtles. At one point we say clown fish and they started screaming "theres nemo!!!!" haha it just made me laugh! I am slowly starting to really love these kids, although I miss my babies like none other! I still go see them at least twice a day. haha Im sure I bug Natrice with how much I go in there.

Yesterday afternoon at around 3:20 it started snowing. and then it snowed some more. and by the time I was getting out of work it was pretty much a blizzard. I went to the store to get something and I got stuck on this hill on the way to Vikki's house. my car really sucks when it comes to snow because it gets stuck a lot. anyways.. so I finally made it to Vikki's house and we hung out. and then I decided I should go home around 9 because it was getting really bad outside. I barely made it home. I was sliding and fish tailing all over the place. and Vikki lives on the other end of my neighboorhood. Anyways... so I was hoping that work would be cancelled. WELL IT WASN'T JUST DELAYED. But I still woke up and got ready and was at the school by 8 and I realized that were absolutely no cars there. which was weird. anyways.. I called and there was the stupid answering message thing saying they weren't opening till 9. Needless to say I was a little upset, not only because I woke up early for nothing and also because I got stuck again.

The snow finally melted and we only had 5 kids the whole entire day. It was ridiculous. me and Stephanie had like nothing to do all day because we just let the kids play. But they brought in chinese food which was nice of them. and I still got to go home at five which was nice, because I have had a headache for the past two days. I finally developed the pictures I took while on trek. I forgot how much fun I had and especially how much I love my cousins! My family is amazing! I wouldn't trade them for anyone in the world!

I miss everyone I talk to on facebook sooooooooooo MUCH!!!! I honestly dont know why I made such a rash decision. anways... I miss you all. and even more now that I dont/cant talk to you anymore.

ONLY 15 MORE DAYS!!

no facebook=one sad jessica

OH MY GOSH.... IT IS DRIVING ME INSANE NOT HAVING A FACEBOOK!!!!!

I DONT LIKE THIS ONE BIT. BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PROVE I

CAN STICK TO MY WORD BY NOT GETTING BACK ON UNTIL I SAID I WOULD!

AHHHHH... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS? I LOST CONTACT WITH LIKE

EVERYONE. HMMM.....

anyways, today I worked from 8-5. It was a super long work day but I really enjoyed

getting off at 5. I also am starting to like these kids. 4 year olds can be pretty funny,

and they can be really fun to play with! I played "basketball" with like 5 four year old

boys today. It was too funny! I was like cracking up the whole game. anyways.... so

I suppose I cannot complain. altho I really really really miss my little kids soo

dang much! But hopefully I will be back with them next week!

Oh and tonight I did something drastic. But Im not telling people what it is.

You shall just have to wait until I either cave and reactivate my facebook

sooner or until its is time for me to go back to rexburg! anways... You all should

expect to be getting a blog posting from me almost every night since I dont

have facebook to talk about stuff. I love you all, and miss you even more now

that I dont talk to you.

ONLY 17 MORE DAYS!!!!!

Look down and keep on singing, and we can go anywhere:)

wow. So I got sick this week. and it has been such a total blast! hahaha. well not really. but I didn't go in to work on Monday because of the scheduling. and then I just started getting like really sick, with a sore throat, and then my ears started to really hurt! So I went into the doctor today and I have a double ear infection, and possible strep throat:) oh and.. because I use the same shower as my sisters I got warts on my feet. So I had to get the frozen today too. Freaking hurt! Liquid Nitrogen does not feel good on your feet. Now my foot is hurting like super bad. Im FALLING APART!!! anyways.. and I have had this pain in my stomach near my belly button since like december. and so I asked the doctor. and she felt my stomach and stuff and then said she was going to order/recommend an ultra sound for me. So GREAT I get to have an ultrasound done next week. and NO I am not prego. I may have a hernia, or just a mass or something. So they are just gonna check it out! yay for Jessica. OH AND I may also have a bladder infection. I shall find out when we get the results back. haha isn't it soo much fun? I bet you all wish you were me:)

Me and Ashley hung out this week twice! Wednesday night we went to Cold Stone and that was delicious. then we went to target, and looked at wedding magazines!(Im gonna have to admit it kinda made me want to get married soon. haha) then we went to walmart and walked around for a long while. and when we got bored there we just drove around. We went and saw this house that Ashley said was huge.. and let me tell you. it was ENORMOUS!!! It was like 3 or 4 of my houses combined. I would never want to live in one, but they are soo much fun to look at! anyways... then we ended up going back to her house and just sitting out infront of her house for about an hour or two. We talked about everything. Some things were maybe a bit more inappropriate than others.. but it was soo much fun! I have missed having someone to talk to about stuff like that! anyways. we ended up butt dialing eric at like 12:50 or something like that. haha so that was exciting.

Thursday Ashley had to take her step mom to the airport and she didn't want ashley riding home alone so she asked if I would go with her. and of course. haha it was fun, and we got to talk again about the most random stuff ever. We ended up sitting out side my house for an hour. I love talking to Ashley because We have gone through some of the same stuff with boys and its just really nice to be able to talk to her about that kind of stuff! Im really really glad that eric introduced us up at school!

anyways... Less than three weeks until I get to go back to school! I miss that place like nooo other! and I miss the people there like noooooooooooooooooooo other! haha can you catch how much I miss everyone? I am living with Danielle again, and I cannot wait! I haven't seen her in over three months! that is way too long to go without seeing your best friend! and then of course I haven't seen Erin or Michelle in that long. and Erin is staying in Rexburg so I will get to see her but Michelle is going home.. I miss her like crazy! haha all her jokes and stuff! and then of course.. I miss Eric lots and lots! Its just not right to go so long with seeing all of your best friends! But ONLY 20 MORE DAYS!!!!!!

If I was a raindrop would you be my thunderstorm?

WOW! This past week has been the most craziest week ever! haha okay so not the craziest ever, but its pretty close! There was the endless drama at work.. I swear those woman act like they are middle schoolers and they are like middle-aged. I try pretty hard not to get involved in their drama but its pretty hard when they're trying to drag me in. haha Its like "Im not interested leave me outta it" anyways. They are starting a new thing where every single night there will be a lead teacher staying until 6. They started today. and tonight was Patricia's night. hahaha and I was sick today! I picked the perfect day to be sick!

Last thursday my mom went into the hospital. She has been there since, and it is monday night:( The doctors are kinda stupid and so they really haven't figured out what's wrong yet. They said she could be experiencing mini strokes, which is not good at all. She has Lupis and so shes got inner ear problems and she keeps getting really dizzy and then her arms and face get paralyzed. Im glad I haven't seen one of her "episodes" yet because that would probably really freak me out. Parents aren't supposed to be the sick ones!!! So hopefully the doctors can give us some good news soon!

Friday night me and Vikki hung out, and she got her cartilage pierced! haha I dont think I could ever get anything pierced besides my one piercings on my ears. Im too much of a baby! and after that we went to her grandparents house! It was really cool because they speak Russian and so I just sat and listened to them speak! I love listening to other languages, even if I cant understand. Then we spent the night at Vikki's house. hahaha I havent had a sleepover since like junior year or something. and we watched the Hangover. I would not recommend this movie. It was really funny but I really did not want to see "senor Changs" butt. or the old guys butt. it just wasnt very modest. haha and they said the F word waaaaay too much! I ended up stopping it half way through and I took it back. anyways..... I am really gonna miss Vikki when I go back to school!

This morning was registration. and can I just say that BYU-Idaho sucks when it comes to this. I was kicked off the system at about 6:45 last night. and then I finally got back on around 10:30. and then registration was supposed to start at midnight. but it was not working for anyone. anyways.. so I got my math class about 12:50 and then started to get my american foundations class, and it kicked me off the system again. ahhhhh I was soo freaking upset. I think I cried for like 30 min. hahahaha. I am such a baby about stuff like that! anyways.. It FINALLY let me back on at 4:15 in the freaking morning. and by then basically all the classes were already full. So I picked some random stupid classes to fill my 14 credits. I didn't end up going to bed until 5:00am. and as a result I felt horrible and so I didn't go to work at 11. it was absolutely crazy!!

Well so I have been on the registration all day (well since I woke up at like 3) and They reopened one of the classes that I really really wanted. So I am extremely happy about that! and I wanted another class but it wouldnt let me get it because it said I needed another class. So I emailed that teacher and asked him about it, and he gave me the power to add the class. So I got that class too! I am pretty excited! I have 15 credits now and almost all the classes I wanted. I just emailed a teacher to ask if they would allow me to add the class even though it is full. So FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Anyways... Im sure you all wanted to hear my super sad story about registering for classes. haha but really it was absolutely crazy! This only makes it more real! ONLY 24 DAYS!!!!!!

Late Nights and Early Parades

My weekend was absolutely crazy!!!!!! On Friday night I went to the mall with Vikki and I got new shoes. they are pink converse! I freaking love them! I am going to wear them every where!

haha yes. Aren't they adorable?? I know! Im a bit weird! but thats okay. haha. Then I got a jacket at Aeropostale. Its like salmon colored, but has a little bit more pink in it! Its adorable! Anways.. after we were done at the mall we went to dinner at Red Robbins. I had the buffalo style chicken fingers, bottomless fries, and there raspberry limeade bottomless drink. it was soo yummy! after that we went and saw "Alice in Wonderland" It was soo good! One of Tim Burton's best movies! It was super weird though, but I think that was the point of the movie! I really liked the story line, it just made me want to go see it again. after the movie we went back to vikki's house and took pictures! I had soo much fun! Which is crazy.. but I loved it!!! I love hanging out with her! I've known her since I was 7 and so its just a blast! We always have something to talk about!

Saturday my sisters and my parents went and looked at model homes! I absolutely love looking at model homes! Something about it is just so much fun! I really makes me want to be an interior designer. but that isn't what I am supposed to do. But we found one or two that were pretty cute! I have no idea where my parents want to move. But hopefully they dont leave Colorado because I just love it here. and okay so I am being a bit selfish.. but if they move when I get married in a couple years no one will come to my wedding or reception. haha I know.. selfish:)

anyways.. Then me, mary, and jen went to the mall again. I didn't get anything because I had already spent my quota of money for the month on things I didn't need;) But I did go to Target and get a wallet because I really needed a new one! Its super cute! I love it!!!

On Sunday I only went to sacrament meeting because I was absolutely tired, and then I came home and slept for like 2 hours! I love taking naps! and I talked to eric for a really long time! I have missed being able to just go over and see him! Its gonna be nice to be in the same town again! and of course Danielle.... our relationship has been kinda rocky the past couple weeks but she really is my best friend and I dont ever want a guy to come between us so Im gonna leave that all behind me! I miss her soo much! its been 81 days since I have seen her and It has been the longest 81 days of my entire life! I cannot wait to move into our apartment and meet new people and have new adventures! Its going to be amazing! oh and Im supposed to be getting a new phone hopefully tomorrow! So I will keep you all updated with that!

This is the beginning of a new week and already it is tons better than last week! I am not as tired and I just feel better. Not to mention there isn't hardly as much drama as last week! I sent my housing contract in today and so hopefully they still have a spot for me:/ anyways... I miss everyone! 31 MORE DAYS!!!!!

depression please cut to the chase and make a long story short

So this week has been one of the worst most hardest weeks I have had in a very long time.

I have had a tough time at work. Normally I don't loose my patience with the kids but all week I have just been loosing it over and over again. and I think thats because a couple of my kids will just scream and scream. I went home with a headache every single night this week. So that was super fun! Also today we only had 5 kids because two were at home sick and the other one doesn't come on fridays. Well anyways, 2 kids went home sick before 3 and one of the kids left on vacation. So at 3 o'clock we had 2 kids! It was absolutely wonderful! I also got paid today which I really needed since I had been running low on money for gas and car insurance. oh the joys of having a car again.

Also today I found out that I am considered a part timer when it comes to things like staff meetings and stuff. Which really bothers me, because on our staff in-service day I only get to come in from 3-5 instead of from 8-5. I am so sick of working there. My boss treats me horrible and then pretends that everything is okay.

This week has also been horrible because there have been some issues. I did decide to go back to school. I know that that is where I am supposed to be. and so even though I will have to talk out a loan and all of that stuff, I need to do it because that is what my life needs right now. I also decided that I want to try to find a job up there at school so I dont have to come home during the seven week break and work at the daycare again and get treated like crap. And I decided that in order to keep myself from getting hurt I am going to keep myself preoccupied.

I have been having a lot of trouble accepting something that really isn't my choice to accept in the first place. As a result of that I have been pushing my best friend away. I feel horrible for doing that, because she is my best friend, and I hope that she always will be. I just really hate the decision she is making and instead of sticking with her and loving her all the more I just shut down and didn't want to have anything to do with it. I also realized something about myself the other night on my walk. I realized that my whole entire life I have put everyone else's feelings before mine. and I just let people walk all over me. and shove me under the bus. and I realized that I dont have to do that to be happy. I can be a happy person and live a wonderful life and put my needs and feelings before others. But in doing so I didn't see that what I did need was my best friend

I honestly felt like I was being used, and I've been used by people my whole life. and so when I came to this new idea about myself I went a little crazy and just couldn't stop myself from almost pushing myself completely away. I really am sorry. If I would have been not so tired (from staying up till about 3 every morning) and not so stressed about work I would have been able to think. Even tho I do not agree with or even like this decision I need to stick by my best friend. and if I do end up getting used then I do. But one thing I know now that I didn't know before is that if it starts getting out of control I can always put how I feel before anything else.

I dont know if you are reading this. But if you are, I feel bad for how I acted. But to say I was sorry a million times would be denying the new part of myself. I really was doing what was best for me. and for the first time in a very long time I put my feelings before someone else's. What I didn't know was how to have a balance. and how to understand what I was doing. But I know now. and I hopefully will not make the mistake again. As for the whole dramatic thing, I dont believe I was being dramatic. Thats just who I am. Im opinionated, honest, nosey, and most of all I stick up for my friends. sometimes all of that mixed together can come off as overdramatic. And sometimes it is.....

Anyways, Im sure you all wanted to read all of this stupid stuff I just wrote. hahaha. I do tend to go on and on in my blogs about nothing imparticular. sorry about that guys! But I feel better writing. and I feel even better knowing that someone somewhere is reading what I write. I love you all very much!