My Awakening!

So Ashley helped me realize that I need to look at the good and happy things that happen during my day to help me get through this rough patch Im going through. So Im going to start making my blogs happy, and they are going to be about things in my days that were good! No more focusing on the bad!

In American Foundations my professor was making fun of me and my hair.. not in a mean way but he kept picking on me. It was actually quite hilarious. and then Ashley said something really fun. our teacher was talking about how at the federal reserve they have to close the first door before they open the second door and how it was basically a man trap. and she's all like.. where can I get one of those.. hahaha made my day!

Me and Ashley went to the park today and we just talked about stuff and I have needed someone to talk to for a couple of weeks! She was exactly what I needed. She's been through somewhat the stuff I am going through and she just knows exactly what to say! It was just so good to talk to her.. and to listen to whats going on with her and give her advice and stuff!!

I got a nice burn. Yeah its going to hurt A LOT in the morning.. but I have to get the burn before I can get the tan:) which is kinda like men. I have to go through pain to get something better, something I want!

AND... WE HAD A THUNDERSTORM! it was like pouring more than I have seen in a very long time! We all went out and played in it and just pranced and slid and it was so much fun! It made me feel like a kid again!

Ashley said I should find a quote or a song or something and put it on my wall or something so I can see it everyday. I picked this song....

It Is - David Osmond

If I think it's all a battle it is.

If I think the day is perfect it is.

I could make it a disaster

or find everything I'm after

any way I choose to see it, it is

I really feel good about all this positive thinking and looking for the "little miracles" in my day as Ashley said! Life is going to start looking up!

My Venting Sesh

So I know I just blogged and Im sure I will blog a lot more before this week is over... but I am bored and I need to get my feelings out. I seriously hate feelings. If I could make myself a robot without emotions I think I would do it! Just when I think I am getting over him I see a couple or hear about someone getting engaged or Danielle talks to Josh, and it hits me just as hard as that moment. "we should just be friends" I swear those are the worst words a guy could EVER say to a girl. Do they not understand that it is a million times harder to be friends than just forget about them? Because then we talk to them but its just as friends, and if you do end up talking its for like a second.... and there is no flirting involved.. and I am just having the hardest time right now. I like Josh and I am glad he could come visit Dan Dan the Man.. but I do not know how I am going to be able to handle this for a whole week plus 2 days. There are other guys here. I know that.. I could have other guys... but I cannot seem to bring myself to want them too:/ I am scared that no one will ever be able to compete with him. GRRRR boys suck! and I hate the feeling I get (that I have right now) where I know any second I am going to break down and sob uncontrollably for a long time... don't appreciate that feeling AT ALL:(

Then I was supposed to go to a lacrosse game tonight with my friends.. both of which happen to be boys. and of course there stupid park soccer thing was more important than going with me. So I was stood up by my own friends. I don't get it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? why do guys always do this to me? hahaha I want to become a Mormon Nun. is that allowed? cool well even if it's not Im still doing it.

Kay sorry.... that was me venting.. thanks for reading or even skipping past my venting sesh. I just needed to get it out before I cried. hahaha

I cannot think of a good title.. so this is it!

So my last blog post was a bit harsh. Im not saying I regret posting it, Im just saying maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh. Not all men are like I was describing, although I haven't met a decent man yet, so I can't really be certain they aren't all like that.

Me and Brek settled everything. I mean yeah I still miss him in the way I want him, but I guess being friends will just have to do. Although he is getting on my nerves because he asks for my help and then decides he doesn't need it anymore. I have a feeling we aren't ever going to have an actual friendship just because he goes back on everything he says. ANYWAYS...

I really don't have much to say but I didn't want that man hating blog post to be the first thing people see when they look at my blog so Im writing a whole bunch on nonsense into here. It has been ridiculously HOT here in Rexy the past couple of days. I LOVE SUMMER just not when I cannot wear shorts. I have to wear pants to class everyday because it is against the honor code to wear shorts and it gets a little annoying when it is so dang hot outside.. but whatever... I am a big girl so I just deal with it. Good thing the buildings are air-conditioned.

We have our last tennis match this saturday and it is so sad, because I feel like the season just started. I think we need to have longer semesters. None of this 13 week business. It is just way too short. Im finally getting along really well with my roommates and its starting to get nice outside and then BAM the semester is over:( but we designed shirts last night and got them sent to the design place so we are going to have tennis shirts! I am soo exicited because I LOVE having shirts that have the BYU-Idaho name to it! and now everyone will know that I played tennis!

Yesterday I got a letter from Adam. I don't think I have been this excited to get mail in a very long time!!! It's funny because since I sent him out his first letter the day before he went into the MTC he had mail there for him like thursday or something which is hilarious because his comp told all the other elders that I am Adam's girlfriend and I wrote the letter in pink pen so it's really funny. But I told Adam to give the other elder's my address and I will write them, since I LOVE writing missionaries. I didn't think I would love it so much but I am really really loving it! Also it keeps me unbored in class:)

I am supposed to be in class right now but it got cancelled because people were in the room we were supposed to be using. I love college! It's nice classes can get cancelled when the teacher wants. I supposed I should start some homework now or something, although I am going to have ALL day tomorrow to do it since Josh is coming into town tomorrow and Danielle is going down to Utah to meet him for the day. I love Josh and all but this next week is going to suck because they are going to be around all the freaking time. GOOD THING I HAVE THE WONDERFUL ERIN YOUNG TO KEEP ME COMPANY!!!:) yaaaaay:)

tips to avoid the idiot male

I HATE MEN!!!

In fact the thing I hate even more than men is men that are supposed to act like men but instead act like little girls. NOT A FAN AT ALL!

ALSO.... I have learned my lesson. When a guy is super wishy/washy and stands me up three times, dump him and run, because chances are he is crazy and is only going to lead me on until I decide to ask him what the h*** is up.

ALSO, don't ever give a guy a fifth chance, because you will end up falling for him and then when you least expect it he will take a really sharp knife and stick you with it about a million times all while turning it round and round pretty much making your heart almost unrepairable.

ALSO, don't think about marrying a guy before you are dating. Even though they say you marry who you date and what not, it's the more HORRIBLE idea I have ever heard of in my entire life!

ALSO, don't wear your heart on your sleeve because you end up giving everything you have and when that person doesn't want anything you have to offer it's too far gone to get it all back.

ALSO, don't date jerk faces. don't even look at them, and sure as heck don't give them the time of day.

ALSO, look for any warning signs early on, and when you see the sign even if you want to look for the best in that person DON'T. because you will end up getting extremely hurt.

ALSO, don't be stupid like me and fall for a guy you hardly know, and you better not tell him about yourself because then you feel like you can trust him and right when you think that he will knock you down on your A**

ALSO, make sure that you have the best friends in the whole entire world to be there when all you want to do is die. They will be the one's with a shoulder to cry on and an ear to hear.

ALSO, set your priorities straight from the beginning. Don't wait for a guy to mess you up to realize that you shouldn't have even had your priorities set on him or any guy in the first place.

ALSO, make sure you have some way to release any emotions at all. I recommend crying until you can't keep your eyes open because they are so swollen, and until your tear ducts are swollen so you can't possibly cry any more even if you had wanted to.

LAST, don't EVER under ANY circumstances flirt and talk with a boy for 2 months ONLY over texting. WORSE IDEA EVER THOUGHT OF BY ANYONE... but especially me. you can never really tell what the person is thinking because you can't see their expressions or hear a tone in their voice. DON'T EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER DO IT! yes you can text.. but you should not ONLY be texting that person for that amount of time. If that is the case... RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

This has been dating tips from Jessica's screwed up love life:)

David Squared Concert:)

wow.. so it's been a crazy weekend. Friday I went to the temple at 8am. and I realized I have missed the temple so very much! I walk up there like at least once a week but it's different being in the temple. The feeling is just so peaceful and I hate having to leave and go back out into the world. hahaha. I just love the temple! I wish I could live in it!

Friday evening I had a date:) It was so much fun! We went to the rodeo and then to DQ after. I want to tell everyone about my date... but it would take way too long to tell all about it, and Im not supposed to be talking about this boy on my blog... says my brother:) haha... so just know I had a lot of fun.

Saturday I had a tennis match at 1pm which is the absolute worst time to have a freaking tennis match. It's like the hottest time of the day and oh my gosh.. I get heat stroke/exhaustion really easily, and it was not a good game. I was getting super upset which is funny cause I was saying how tennis doesn't really get me upset but I was pretty upset during the game and then after. I was super dizzy and the girls kept trying to like smack the ball as far away from me as they could so towards the end I kinda just gave up:/ yeah it was really dumb. I felt really bad but I just could not handle it yesterday..

then I went straight from my match to a basketball game, which was really fun. They won which was good. and then me and danielle went to subway because we were really hungry. Then we came home and I got ready and stuff and then at 7ish we went to the DAVID ARCHULETA CONCERT! it was soooo much fun. David Osmond opened for him, and he is really really good! I love hearing new artists! then David Archuleta came out on stage and sang! he sang us some of his new songs, and it was awesome because we were the first people to ever hear any of his new songs!!! that was freaking awesome! and he sang my favorite song!!! "To Be With You" its such an adorable song! anyways, then me, erin, and danielle just hung out and walked over to porter park and such, and I was in the weirdest mood and so I was talking in a british accent for probably over an hour and oh goodness.... it was very very odd.

SO I will just say a little about this... I really like this guy. BUT Im super nervous and a little scared he has no interest in me. I just give with everything I have and I hate that because it always gets hurt. I don't want to give everything I have... because its draining when they don't want what I have to give. hmm.. okay. then end. thats all I will say. MISS YOU ALL!

I LOVE YOU DAVID ARCHULETA

OH MY GOSH!!!

I GOT TO MEET DAVID ARCHULETA! HE HAD A BOOK SIGNING AT DESERET BOOK HERE IN REXBURG AND SO I WENT AND HAD HIM SIGN HIS BOOK AND THEN MET HIM. HE IS EVEN MORE GORGEOUS IN PERSON THAN I THOUGHT HE WAS. AND ON SATURDAY I GET TO GO TO HIS CONCERT. YAY I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!

HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF THE EVENING!

LETS JUST SAY THAT IF I THOUGHT HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY ON THIS EARTH I WOULD WANT TO MARRY HIM... HAHA HE IS JUST SO DARN CUTE!

Many the Miles.......

So I went to bed early and then me and danielle woke up late for our tennis match.. we were supposed to be there at 7:50am and we woke up at 8:03am. OOOPS so we hurried and got ready and ran over to the courts. We watched Evan play this one guy and it was really funny because the guy he was playing kept talking to himself every time he missed the ball. me and danielle were trying so dang hard not to laugh! Then we got to play.

It was fun because we actually got to play a girl that hadn't played yet. Anyways, I was super upset, and so I was playing horribly the first two games. Then I decided instead of playing horribly I should just channel my energy into playing well and so I picked it up and we actually played REALLY WELL! Danielle has gotten so much better! I am so proud of her (and me) for getting so much better! You would never have known this is the first time she has ever played on a team! Anyways... so we lost the first set 4-6 and then we lost the second set 5-7. and the second set was awesome because we won the first 2 games and then they came back and we just kept getting tied up... and it was funny because Kody, Hannah, Todd, and Nate were sitting on the sideline cheering us on, and giving us little pep talks. Kody and Hannah had our water ready every time we switched. It was HILARIOUS! I am so glad I got put on this team, even if we are the reject team:)

Then all of us - Nate went to get breakfast and we just had a blast! I don't know why we haven't done anything like that before, because we had so much fun, and we were acting like we were best friends! I love those girls! Then we came home and I napped for an eternity. For some odd reason when I get really depressed all I can do is sleep. All I want to do is sleep. So I slept from like 12:30 till 4:30 got up, showered, packed, and then erin came and got us! We left here about 7pm to go to Salmon, ID:)

We had a freaking blast in the car! hahahaha I didn't realize how much fun a drive through absolutely nothing to be so short and could be so much FUN! we were singing to random songs and making up stuff in the songs, I don't know... but we have a lot of fun when we are together! It makes me want to go on a legit road trip with these girls! oh and we decided that since it is erin's golden birthday this September we are going sky diving:/ hahaha I never thought that would come out of my mouth but it was my idea... SCARY! So I guess I am going to be risking my life this September... but I am only doing it because I love erin so much!

We were only up at the ranch for like 13 hours which is really sad:( but we went up to go to Adam's farewell. I love that kid so very much! Ever since we were little we talked about the day when he would go on his mission and I would probably get married, and now he leaves in 2 days! He's coming down to Rexy tonight and I get to say my goodbye to him for 2 WHOLE YEARS. I am already feeling a little emotional about it! I have seen him and talked to him so much in the past 8 months that its going to be so weird not to be able to go over or call him up. But I am so proud of him! He is doing something truly amazing!

haha

you make me dance like a fool, forget how to breath

Crazy weekend! I have a friend that lives in Highlands Ranch and she found one of her friends Thomas to drive us to Colorado, SO I got to come home for the weekend!

BUT first.. Wednesday night, I went to bed at 3 and then woke up at 4 because we (me, courtney, shalise, and lori) were going over to the guys apartment to prank them. Jake.. being lame.. was sitting out in the living room watching tv at like 4:45 in the morning. So we couldn't break in.. so we just took a block from under the table and one of their couch cushions. Then we went back and attempted to tie a heavy rope from their door to their banister. WE WERE SO CLOSE! Jake opened up the door about 2 seconds before we had it on. So that was a failed mission. Then I came home at around 5:30. and I had class at 8 so there was no way I was going to be going to bed.. I stayed up and watched tv and such.. needless to say I was exhausted all day thursday from only getting an hour of sleep.

Danielle left on the shuttle about 2:10 and I walked her over there so she wouldn't have to wait for an eternity alone. Then I came back to my apartment and decided I should probably study for my test I had to take that night. Also.. I was talking to brek for probably like 45 min. Then he told me to take a nap cause I honestly could not function AT ALL. I woke up around 6ish and decided I'd better go take my test which was a piece of cake:) and then I came home and did my homework for about 3 hours. It was seriously soooo much fun. haha. Then Erin came over and we walked up to the temple and back.. It's so funny because we are both having boy stuff going on right now, and so we get to talk to each other about it. I love Erin so much! I don't know what I would do without her!

Then Friday morning I left around 7 am to head on down to Logan, Utah to switch cars so that we could go to COLORADO! It took 2 hours to finally get the car so we left Utah around noon. Which was not what any of us wanted because it just meant a lot less time at home:( BUT I finally made it home around 10:30 pm. Yes. that means a 15 hours trip!!!!! Me and my sisters went to King Soopers, and then we came home and went to bed because I was EXHAUSTED!

Saturday we did a whole bunch of stuff! We went to the mall. Twice. and we went to payless, and cold stone, and just hung out! oh and we went to Panda Express. I love that place! they should bring it to Rexy! I know we did more than that.. but it was just a bunch of hanging out and fun! I have missed my sisters!

Sunday we went to church and I forgot NO ONE had seen my hair.. so everyone was very confused when they saw me at first, and almost didn't recognize me. and then everyone was confused why I was only home for the weekend. It was pretty funny! THEN we went home and put our bathing suit tops on and sunbathed outside in the super warm weather! I loved it! We took a whole bunch of pictures and had LOADS of fun! I seriously did not want to go home. We also watched Avatar as a family sunday night, and Im honestly not really sure what I thought of it.. it was interesting. Then we went to bed

Monday morning I got up at 6:30 am to take a shower and get ready, and then my dad took me and my sisters out to breakfast. That was very nice of my daddy! Then Thomas came and picked me up and we went to ashley's and waited for a freaking eternity for McKell to get there.. Finally at about 1pm we left Berthoud. Somewhere in Wyoming McKell got pulled over and got a $90 speeding ticket. YEAH IT SUCKS! Then we got into bear lake about 7ish pm and traded cars and shoved everything we had in the little tiny Geo. We were all really tired but we were still having fun. It was taking us WAY longer than expected though because the Geo doesn't drive very fast. So right before we get to blackfoot around 11pm the car starts smoking..... yeah.. the engine was shot. COOL! So the car broke down and we're all exhausted and we had to wait for someone to come pick us up about an hour or so away from Rexburg. We were all very tired! This is what the car looks like that we had to pick up in bear lake. SOOO SMALL!

I got home around 1 am and unpacked and talked to Danielle about stuff since I really missed her this weekend. (which is dumb because it was like 4 days. but still. she's my best friend and so its been inconvenient to be away from her cause we couldn't talk. hahaha) I went to bed around 2am. then got up at 6:30 to take a quiz.

I had such an amazing weekend and a very very crazy trip! It was pretty funny cause on the way from bear lake to Rexburg we were asking Thomas about boys. So like, texting, hair color, what guys like in a girl, what guys hate in a girl, pointer. etc... and then he was asking us stuff! It was very insightful! I feel so much more informed;) haha. NOW if only I could implement that knowledge into my own life with this guy right now. I seriously like him probably more than I should, and it's killing me cause I would talk to him all day if I could, and that is just not how he is. I wish I could be a undercover agent and find out if he likes me half as much as I like him. Guess that's not how it is supposed to be though.

So I should probably go do homework or something, just so I feel like I am being productive, although I need to leave in about 5 min to get to class on time.. so maybe not! It was so wonderful to be back in COLORADO this last weekend! I missed everyone so much! Especially my wonderful mommy and my two favorite sisters!!

P.S. This is my new fav song:

Smile by Uncle Kracker

(Chorus)

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile