the life that is

howdy friends! I just realized something while I was sitting here on my couch: I have been extremely impatient these last few weeks. Normally I have pretty amazing patience, but recently I've been wanting to pull my hair out with everything. Accounting is driving me insane. Economics is harder then I want it to be. Business is so very time consuming. Social issues are ever so ridiculous. I have way to much going on no time and I hardly get any sleep. It's funny because I have been so darn tired these past few weeks but I haven't been going to bed till like 3am. The other day I slept through my alarm and Michelle was shaking me and yelling at me.. and I didn't wake up. It's the absolute weirdest thing. I always wake up for my alarm and people shaking me tends to wake me up rather quickly. Maybe I have a fatal disease or something. haha. That isn't really funny but I just don't know what else it could be. It's kinda a big deal when I don't wake up through people yelling and shaking me. But that is besides the point. I honestly have no idea why I am writing this blog post but I just really needed to write something so this is my random thoughts post.

I have been thinking a lot about marriage and men and (yes I know its ridiculous of me) I have come to one conclusion. I don't trust myself. Yes men have given me tons of reason to not trust them but I always still trusted them. I never stopped giving them my full trust, but I stopped trusting myself. Im deathly afraid of getting hurt and Im afraid that I am going to end up with the wrong person and that anyone I date of even look at is going to rip my heart out and break it beyond repair. I don't trust myself to pick the right person so I make up reasons not to trust people. It truly is a sad cycle.

I love my friends so much. I have come to find a real true friend in my roommate Breanna, and the friendships I had with Michelle, Erin, and Danielle are just wonderful! I am going to miss them all so dang much when I have to go back home. I don't know what I am going to do without all my friends. My friends are my life right now and it sucks to have to give up my life to go home and work:/ I will however not miss the annoyance of this apartment. I am having a really difficult time with this problem and it's gotten to the point where I just want to remove myself from any room that would put me in that situation. It's kinda sad and horrible. It's amazingly bitter sweet. I will miss my friends. But I will NOT miss that AT ALL!!

I went on a blind date tonight and it was a lot of fun. Im not interested in the guy but I still had fun. It made me realize that I do miss dating. I was trying to keep myself away from it but I should just be keeping myself away from exclusively dating. haha it amazes me how much the topic of dating comes up in my life. I swear it is always on my mind.

Sorry this blog is so blah and boring. I just needed to get some stuff outta my head. So I shall sign off now and go watch this movie with my michelle. or possibly fall asleep... either way its good.