scared.....

whoa. Blogger changed everything. This is so weird. I haven't blogged in a while, and honestly I'm okay with that. I guess the reason I'm blogging now is because I just feel sad. I don't even know why.. lots of reasons I guess. I think I need to go on a mission and it scares the heck out of me. I keep getting all these signs and I keep trying to ignore them, hoping they will go away.. but I don't know if they are going to. I know a mission shouldn't make me sad but I'm scared leaving my life. What if I can't do it? What if I'm a bad missionary? What if I mess up? What if I come home and no one remembers me? I'm like literally scared to death. Then there's the fact my cousin is dating this girl I don't really like. I know I am a selfish brat but he is my best friend and I don't want to lose him. She's taking him from me and I hate that. I know he needs to get married and he can't marry me and eventually he will have to stop being so close to me, but I'm not ready for that now! Not at all. It scares me. Why do I have to be old?! Why does everything and everyone around me have to be changing?! I need to know that I'm doing the right things. I need to know that I am on the right path the Lord wants me on. What if I'm not and I'm missing something right now?! How do I know if I am?! I guess I need to stop fearing and start doing.